On a scale of one to ten, my stress level’s like an eleven right now. I’m not really sure how to explain why an apparent “time off from…life” could be in any way stressful, but I am high stress prone and copying down contacts, making to-do lists, setting my auto-email responder…anything to calm my nerves. You’d think that after so much traveling, I’d be used to it (40 passport stamps since 2006, impressed?!), but let’s see…I’ve been stuck in Thailand due to airport bombings and protests, nearly got lost in the Big Ben tourist trap in London, ended up at a police station once and nearly missed the last bus another time in Taipei, been stopped mid-freeway past midnight in Malaysia to have my passport checked, waited for an hour-late bus in downtown Brunei the day of our flight out, been harassed by gypsies and street vendors and traveling monks on multiple occasions all over the world…but I also fall in love with cities easily and have quite a blast before a major typhoon hits—so stress and fun balance out (usually).
I guess it’s just unsettling to think that I can pack my bags and leave so easily…proof that I haven’t settled down or planned anything out with jobs lined up and relationships to take care of. I have…nothing and I am equally unsure of everything. For every job offer, I’ve responded with, “I’m still looking around”…aka “I’m still unsure of my life and considering options on the other side of the world because I’m indecisive and young and looking for an adventure yet equally afraid of challenges and hardships.” (Slight exaggeration.)
Spending time with my grandma is therapeutic yet horrific at the same time. I’m well fed, deprived of my greatest vice—the internet, and asked to read the Bible, pray constantly, and answer the question, “When do you plan on getting baptized?”…at least twice a day. An unsatisfactory “I’m not sure” results in more “keep praying” and biblical storytelling/Bible-studying…neither of which are top priorities in my life at this point.
Spending time with everyone else is equally traumatizing. I am either asked to elaborate on my nonexistent love life or unorthodox future aspirations (while relatives hope to hear keywords such as “grad school” and “big corporation” and I just mumble “blogs” and “book deal” and “freelance”—foreign, unimpressive terms to traditional folks). Being in superficial Asialand, “You need to lose weight” is not uncommon to hear either.
My aunt hopes that I’ll be her babysitter while my mom hopes that I’ll learn to wrap zhong-zi and cook Taiwanese dishes…while my grandpa probably hopes that I’ll forget about Taiwan and China and go back to the US to land a high-paying job where people actually respect women. My grandma probably hopes for the same. My dad says, “China is a good opportunity,” and my mom says the same plus “people in China are tricky” and “beware of pickpockets” and “women aren’t respected” and “what do your friends think?”…
I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon and “tentatively” returning on Christmas Eve. I might stay in Asia too—who knows. I have nothing to lose.
I leave you all with a little cpop: “Say a Little Something” by Jam Hsiao (蕭敬騰) and a photo of my brand new Moleskine next to worn-down and fattened travel journals:
